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I'm Friends with the Monster Under My Bed

Elisa Torres

Self-doubt. I know it all too well. I was sitting in my microeconomics final in my first term at Wharton. Surrounded by my brilliant classmates, many of whom are PhDs, engineers, and all-around STEM geniuses.  And well, I, I am not any of those things.




I studied for hours on end and worked with a personal tutor only to find myself drowning in self-doubt and fear during the test. The voices in my head were overwhelming me. “You’re not smart enough. Why did you ever think you could make it in this school? You should just quit; you’re going to fail anyway.” I had to get a hold of my thoughts in that moment, or I was going to fail the class.


Maybe you’ve found yourself in similar situations. Feeling overwhelmed, underqualified, or unprepared. If you’re a growth-oriented person, you’ll probably find yourself in these situations often as you regularly take on new challenges. To quote the great Eminem, “I am friends with the monster under my bed; get along with the voices inside of my head.” Sometimes we can’t stop the voices, but you can certainly get along with them by controlling their volume and which ones you pay more attention to.  


Sure, there are loud self-doubting voices, but is there also a faint whisper that reminds you of your greatness?  That’s the voice that will help you get through difficulty and find success. Let’s amplify that voice! Here are a few tips on how to do that.



Give yourself some credit

I am always so grateful for the many opportunities I have had in my career like going on an international assignment or receiving support for my continuing education. However, after many successes, I did have to give myself a bit more credit. Yes, I am very grateful for the opportunities, but as I took stock of the results I consistently produced, I realized that it was not luck. I was pretty damn good at my job. They wouldn’t give me the opportunities if I didn’t earn them. You might think that’s arrogant, but I disagree. You must believe in yourself and be your own biggest fan. No one else can do that for you. This unlocked new levels of confidence in me and whenever I faced a new challenge, I would reflect on the mountains that I had already climbed to help me believe that I could conquer the next one.


The next time you find yourself doubting your ability to accomplish a task consider how can you cheer yourself on. What prior successes and milestones can you reflect on to help get you through a period of self-doubt? We spend so much time doubting and criticizing ourselves. Why not take 5-10 minutes now and write down the reasons you should believe in yourself? Was it a problem you solved, a sales target you achieved, a difficult class that you passed? These can all be used as amplifiers of the good voices in your head.   



Humble Yourself

Guess what? Many times, you won’t know the answer or how to solve a problem. This is where we high achievers work against ourselves. Why would you know how to do something you have never done before? You will go a lot farther by admitting the truth to yourself. In 2023, I took on a new role as the head of Learning with a 40-person team reporting to me. I had never led a Learning function nor a large team. What did I do? Pretend I had the answers and fake it til I make it? Nope! I asked for help…a lot of help. I got a coach, and I talked to as many colleagues as would give me time. My favorite line to say on a coaching call was, “forgive my ignorance, but what does that mean?”  After a few months, I was speaking the vocabulary of Learning. I was able to have more in depth conversations and drive great innovation and change in my company. I had the opportunity to surround myself with people who were experts and together we made a powerful combination.


Don’t be shy about saying you need help. When someone helps you, it makes them feel good that they can pass on their wisdom and knowledge. Write down a few names of people you can connect with for advice. You can set up a coffee connect or a short Zoom meeting. Also, I know you don’t want to hear this, but sometimes you need to pay for advice. I have paid for marketing, speaking, and life coaches. It is worth every penny, and it gets you up the learning curve much more quickly. To be successful, we must own both our greatness and our shortcomings.



Power of the Reframe

A former manager of mine shared a great perspective with me. She was in a new role with a very steep learning curve. It would have been unrealistic for her to set a huge goal initially. Instead, every morning before she walked into the office, she told herself, “I will know more at the end of today than I know right now.” This powerful reframe put her mind at ease and enabled her to learn more than she would have by putting pressure on herself.


If you’re trying something new, success will probably need to be defined differently. Let’s say you were a swimming coach. What expectation would you have for a top athlete from Stanford compared to a child taking their first swimming lesson? What would you say to the athlete compared to what you’d say to the child? When talking to the child, you’d probably get down on your knees, look them in the eye and tell them, “It’s ok, don’t be scared. Let me show you how to get into the water.” Sometimes we need to talk to ourselves like we are that child.  “This is going to be hard. This is going to feel awkward and that is ok.” Pounding the pavement and brute forcing your way through things only goes so far. Try reimagining what success could look like in the short term. You’ll find that you accomplish much more by setting realistic goals.


Befriend the Monster

Well, friends, let me know how these tips work for you out in the real world! Remember you can control which voices you give power too. Turning up the volume on your greatness will muffle those doubts.


By the way, thanks to a lot of hard work and a generous curve, I passed microecon and earned a B in the class. I still have nightmares of my professor (thank you, Smetters), but no one can ever take that accomplishment from me! We can do hard things!


xoxo,

Elisa


P.S. Tell me! How will you handle the voices in your life?

4 comments

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4件のコメント


r__e
1月28日

Love the blog..... I listen to all the voices in my head and make an informed decision and sometimes I don't as to which voice to amplify and which to soften... in my years of professional experience I have never been afraid to ask for help , guidance and assistance.


Overtime one learns that asking for help does not make you vulnerable , does not dent your ego and / or make you weak and or incompetent. We are human and we are not perfect !


Richard Ernesti


いいね!
Elisa Torres
Elisa Torres
1月28日
返信先

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Richard! It is true that that resilience grows over time! Hope you're well.

いいね!

Alexandra Algarin
Alexandra Algarin
1月27日

Great blog post, Lee! I love the emphasis on giving ourselves credit for our achievements and being humble enough to ask for help when we don’t have all the answers. It’s a powerful reminder that success isn’t just about brute force—it’s about recognizing our growth and celebrating the journey. 👏

いいね!
Elisa Torres
Elisa Torres
1月28日
返信先

Thank you! Glad you found it helpful. Let's celebrate!

いいね!
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